Confirmed. An accidental overdose. I cannot believe it.

RIP Trevor Powell

I just found out that a guy I was good friends with in middle school who dated one of my best friends at the time died this weekend. I cannot believe it. I still don't believe it. I knew him as a kind person who liked to joke and laugh a lot. At first I thought it was some kind of sick prank but a friend of mine told me that allegedly he was getting a nasty heroin addiction and died from an overdose. I just refuse to believe that this is true. He was smart. I remember he was in the smarter classes with my friends. Earlier this summer I was filling my car up with gas while talking to a friend when he walked out of the snack shop. I was in mid conversation and was only able to smile at him when he passed and I guess it was an air "hi, we used to be friends, i see your doing well, bye". I heard from the grape vine, because living on a small island everyone knows everyone else's business, that he liked to party but so did a lot of high schoolers from the island who had nothing better to do. If the rumor is true, seriously who thought that a little 'partying' could become so bad. A habit that can kill, and apparently did. I pray that God will take care of his soul as he was a man who deserved to find heaven. I hope that heaven is the very least of what he found. I seriously cannot think of a time where I ever got mad at him or a time that anyone ever complained or talked badly of him. My most fond memory of him was the day he met up with my little brother and I at the park to play basketball. It was a Valentine's day and we were friends just trying to have some fun while our friends celebrated the sappy holiday. He genuinely had fun playing ball with my brother and I and I cannot remember a single moment in my life that I have ever seen him frowning. He was always always smiling. Even after a test or the WASLE (standardized test). I remember when he started dating my best friend at the time and came and met up with us at the lake. Even though we matched with our pasty white skin he still found a way to make a joke out of it. And even though my friend and I loved to read girly magazines and 'tan' in the sun, he still made it fun for the three of us. I cannot think of a single negative thing about Trevor. I pray for all those who knew him and miss him especially his family. I know that he will be greatly missed.

It's 12:30. I haven't heard anything from him since 8. I promised myself I wouldn't text or call or anything and just let him be with his friends. I can't stand not knowing what he's doing. What if he's drunk and sees another girl? It's weird to me that when I'm out with my friends he always needs to know what I'm doing or where I am but when he's with his friends he gets mad if I text him too much. This is frustrating. I have to get up at 8 for work. What do you do in this situation? My friends tell me to let him go and if he does anything than I would want him to do it now rather than wait until further into our relationship to find out he's that kind of guy. But in my experience every guy is that kind of guy given the right circumstances. Alcohol is always involved and being out with the buddies and unreachable by phone.. and unsatisfied with the current relationship. I'm gonna go nuts worrying but what the heck. I always text him and tell him what's up. You think he could at least return the favor? And how late is he going to be out? How late is reasonable? What if he's out all night and says nothing bad happened? Who is going to know the answers to my questions? How do all these girls seem so stress free and relaxed in these relationships with guys that like to go out and drink with their buddies?

Hold the Mayo and by Mayo I mean Whining

I feel like when there are a lot of girls interested in a guy, it makes him more appealing. It drives me nuts whenever my boyfriend has any contact with a female species unless it's me and I don't know why. But I feel like if girls weren't interested in him at all and i truly were the only girl that ever commented on his facebook, he would be less alluring to me. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if there were guys commenting on his facebook too but it's just a juvenile website that should have no importance to me anyway, right? Well. I ate at the cafe in my store during my lunch break the other day and their system of doing things was a bit odd to what I am used to doing in a cafe. You go up to the register, order your food, pay, then take the receipts with you in a little restaurant bill booklet to a table where a waiter picks it up and asks you questions then retrieves your food and water or other previously paid for drink. At the very end my waiter brought back my copy of the receipt with two pieces of chocolate and his business card. I thought this was odd but maybe he was looking for a good tip. On his card he hand wrote his name and put lots of exclamation marks and zig-zag-underlined the thank you. I don't know why a waiter would ever give someone their business card. Nordstrom provides business cards for its salespeople to give out to build customer rep ore because when salespeople get to know the customer they can show them clothing they know the customer would like, etc. So am I supposed to call in the cafe and ask the waiter if there are any new foods that I would like? I felt bad because I didn't have any cash to tip with and I didn't know this whole system whether we were supposed to tip or not so I snuck out the side entrance. Like I'd never see this guy again, yeah right. I saw him when I was running to the bathroom with a tampon in my hand during my shift today. Awkward. Not because of the tampon but because I found out later that we were in fact supposed to tip. Then again, a coworker told me that she had eaten there and did not get a business card so she thought this waiter must've been hitting on me. Me with my frumpy clothes that I borrowed from my mom because I don't have a lot of business formal outfits yet. Either way now it's going to be very awkward if I want to eat at the cafe again or whenever I see this waiter because if he was hitting on me or trying to gain a bigger tip, he failed in doing both.

I know that my not little but younger brother has been sneaking out at night under my nose but I'm just so tired and sleep so soundly. My parents do hardly any parenting with him. He does what he wants and has that teenage boy mentality that he is invincible. Not that disciplined teenage mentality that he can do what he wants within the rules because of fear of the consequences or even just the knowledge that consequences exist, which don't exist right now for my brother. My grandma likes to say that he's the pet of the family and always has been. Maybe my parents are getting tired or treat him older than his young mind because of how big he is. I really think that he is lacking a lot of structure that is going to create problems when he is living on his own. Everything is taken care of for him as far as laundry, food, and money and whenever he has some sort of problem or gets in trouble my parents just fix it for him without consequences so he never learns. I know for a fact that he was coming home drunk or sneaking out and drinking so I told my parents what was happening. Because I knew about this problem and I brought it to their attention, they just expected me to be the parent and find a solution and make this behavior stop. Right.

I had to move back home to "save money" but I've been eating out more while living here then when I was on my own because of the lack of food around here. How does my mom expect me to eat at home if she doesn't buy groceries that I'll eat? I don't always eat out at restaurants, I buy stuff at the grocery store too. But how is that saving money? It completely defeats the purpose of living at home to have my parents provide me food which they have yet to do. Before my parents left for a 5 day trip one of my parents asked me what to buy from costco. I don't know what happened but nothing I asked for was bought, a costco trip was never made, and they left with not even milk in the fridge. Anytime I say anything my concerns are pushed aside and a more "pressing" issue is brought up. My parents decided to buy a house and rent out the rooms so that my older brother and I could live their for free during school. The decision to buy this house was never discussed with me yet somehow it has been assigned to be my responsibility to find tenants for the house and when a possible tenant backed out of the house, my parents have been harassing me to find a new tenant. I don't see any of the money they are making off this house and barely live there for free. I would almost rather pay my own rent somewhere else so I wouldn't have to do all of their work. It would be easier on me to pay my own rent at this point I feel like and move in with my boyfriend. He has been asking me to move in with him now that we have been dating for almost 2 years and I have agreed with him but it's not convenient for my parents and I'm still a dependent somehow. When I'm living on my own and am not constantly seeing my parents I don't get as mad about all the things I disagree with that they are doing. All my frustrations are magnified when living here. Hard to end on a negative note but I lost all positivity in my tiredness.