Waste not Fresh Tears over Old Griefs

I believe Euripides wrote that. I wish I knew this saying a long time ago. I'm the type of person to dwell on the past, at times unknowingly. My boyfriend is so amazing. He treats me so well and every date he takes me on feels like the first date. But for some reason every time he tells me he's going out to a bar with his buddies, whether he's drinking or not, I have a mini freak out. We are almost in constant contact and see each other almost everyday. He has never done anything wrong, is truthful, and treats me with respect. Our relationship has comparatively been better than anyone else's I know. But for some reason I can't get out of my head that fear that the past has left me with. Every relationship prior to my current one has ended with the guy cheating on me, and usually involved alcohol. I think there's this thing called a pearl necklace. I don't know exactly what it's called but apparently it's where a girl gives a guy hickeys all the way around the neck like a pearl necklace. There was this guy I used to date in high school that showed up to school one Monday with a pearl necklace from a party he got drunk at that weekend. I took the bus with him to school, ate lunch with him, and ran into him in the hall towards the end of the school day before I noticed. He must've done a good job hiding it under his baggy coat but seriously. If you have a girlfriend how dumb can you be to go and do that. I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost 2 years now and still have had nightmares about me finding hickeys on his neck left by other girls. He would never do that and I know that he loves me more than anything but still old grieves have dug into my amygdala (meaning "almond" in Greek for its shape and is part of emotional learning in the brain as well as a large role in fear). Most of my relationships have ended similarly. There was this guy that lied to me about almost everything. I dated him for a long time and he was able to hide the fact that he was a smoker the whole time. He would come over on nights before I had a volleyball tournament and leave early to go to a party. He ended up leaving me for his ex girlfriend who would party with him. I'm definitely not a partier. My boyfriend is my best friend and I am lucky to have one of the most honest and caring guys. Yet just last night when I was leaving after our Contra dancing date he mentioned he might go over to his frat to hang out with his friends that same night. I tried not to show it but when he saw that I was worried he changed his mind to make me comfortable. Thank you mom and dad for the bad anxiety gene.

My boyfriend took me to Victoria for Valentine's day and our one year anniversary. We had so much fun and it was very romantic. I'm allowed to get into bars there so we went out a lot to fancy places, of course I drank rootbeer. We always joke about that night being our first date. At one place, we were sitting at the bar and I was drinking water while he had a beer. We were joking around talking like it was our first date and he was like "so you comin back to my hotel room?" and I joked "that's not very appropriate for our first date" and he goes "yeah well you're not that hot anyway". After that this guy on the other side of him came over and started talking with us trying to pick me up as if it was his big chance hearing me reject my boyfriend's hotel offer. There have been other times that we would be talking like it's our first date and then he would tell me that he loves me and then I would say "don't you think it's a bit early to be telling me that?". The looks on people's faces sitting near us. Priceless. There was this other time we were eating at a fancy seafood restaurant and I say "Impressive place to take me on our first date" and my boyfriend goes "Yeah well it was a tie between here and McDonalds" and the guy at the table behind us turned around and giggled. Their table was full of elderly people who kept looking over to see how our "first date" was going throughout the dinner. It was hysterical. I think one of the ladies even said good luck to my boyfriend as we were leaving.

Elderly love. I was in the bathroom at this place my boyfriend and I went Contra dancing at and couldn't help listening in to the conversation of the elderly women who were putting on their big skirts to twirl in. One woman was thanking the other for getting her out of the house to go dancing and meet lots of cute men. Well, I met a lot of those "cute" men throughout the night as well. When you are dancing this type of dance you often have a "trail partner" who is the same person you always come back to during the dance. You also dance with a lot of different people, almost everyone in a long chain. It's hard to describe but I ended up dancing with a large array of men. Old smelly ones and older frisky ones. My trail partner was an old friend who was a bit more experienced in Contra dancing than my boyfriend but my boyfriend and I plan to work up to where we are good enough to dance together. It was very cute to see elderly couples wearing matching outfits with their trail partners. Most of the women wore flowy skirts for twirling (and some of the more colorful men wore skirts as well) but the color themes between partners were evident. I guess all the real serious Contra dancers wear skirts. I'll have to go get one for next time..