Old Friends New Enemies

I know I should be sleeping right now but I can't. I have to get up at 6 tomorrow for beach volleyball training and then I work from 11AM to 8PM. I had a great night with my boyfriend. We made dinner together and hung out enjoying each other's company. He is my bestfriend. When I reflect back to all the bestfriends I've gone through in my life, I never expected my bestfriend to end up being my boyfriend. I've always had a best girl friend to gossip about my boyfriend to. Now it's like my boyfriend and I gossip together about his friends or professors or sports. I've gone through a lot of bestfriends not on purpose but just the way life happened. After I lost my first bestfriend because she was too busy doing drugs to be my friend, I had my friend Sammy. We've known each other since the 5th grade. We are still friends but since various things in high school and college, we've grown apart. My other bestfriend since the 9th grade, Lauren, and I grew apart when she went to college out of state. In high school, Lauren and Sam both tried to be a part of the same clique. I hung out with those girls a couple times and just didn't find them very fun or interesting. Lauren told me how they liked to gossip about people, including about me, so obviously I wasn't going to waste my time trying to fit into their clique. I was also told that Sam didn't stand up for me and even contributed to the gossip since we were best friends and she knew all the "dirt" on me. Our friendship never really recovered the same after I confronted her about it. Why would I want to be close with someone who was just going to bad mouth me to other people for entertainment? I'm still friends with her today but she often likes to talk bad about her current best friend to me when we do talk. I had this other friend that picked up on that rivalry between Sam and Lauren who used to tell me how all my other friends were bad for me. She was partially right but I loved Sammy and Lauren just like any high school girl loves all her friends. We were on again off again friends but I don't remember why anymore. She was always a good friend to me and never did anything wrong. We don't talk anymore because after her dad died from a brain tumor, she changed completely. I worry that she's turned to drugs and alcohol but that's partially the reason we don't talk anymore. She only thinks about herself now and when she's going to party again. I tried to intervene and help her by bringing her to the church I attend on campus but that didn't help. I heard through the grapevine that she's engaged and I worry that the next time I hear something about her it's going to be in an obituary. How many people can a person loose in a lifetime to drugs and alcohol? The other day I was talking on the phone with Sammy about her new bf and she told me to hop on facebook to see his picture. I was at my parents house and the computer was on so I was like alright. My little brother's facebook popped up and Sammy and I agreed that I should snoop. There was tons of messages between him and his friends filled with plans of drinking and one even about smoking. I was shocked. He spelled it out right there saying OK guys I'll hang out with you guys until my 11:30 curfew then I'll go home and "go to bed" then I'll sneak back out around 12. Woah. One message had some guy telling my brother Epic stealing that alc. That was legendary. I'm guessing he had to of stolen it from my parents because where we live there are cameras everywhere and everyone who's tried to steal alc has been caught. I don't understand what is so great about alcohol. Is living life really that bad that you have to risk getting kicked off the basketball team and losing everything you have for alcohol? Maybe I'll understand when I turn 21 in a couple months but I'm afraid because of the things I've witnessed. Maybe all this is why my boy friend is my best friend. I know that he will never do anything to hurt me, he will never talk bad about me, he will always choose me over any drug or alcohol, and we have this crazy connection. We always text each other at the same time or I'll start to do something he's about to ask me to do or he'll say something I'm about to say. It's like we can read each other's minds. August is our year and a half anniversary and I have never dated anyone for that long before. It's kind of scary to think about but I can't imagine living my life with anyone else.